LIFE UPDATE: Outsider

It was the 5th of May this year when I landed in Cebu to celebrate my 28th birthday. Initially, I planned to stay here for 2 months and fly to Zamboanga after to visit a friend. Seven months after, here I am still in Cebu renting a room while doing freelance work and making coffee during Thursdays through Saturdays.

Its already December and yet I still don’t have any plans, everything right now feels temporary. I might be in another city next month or probably still here.

I don’t actually feel like I belong anywhere, I left Tarlac because I think there is more for me outside of that city. I stayed here in Cebu because I thought it would be exciting for me to be in a new city and start a new life I guess.

But I cant still speak in Bisaya and my english is not that great either. The only Bisaya words I know are dili, lakaw-lakaw, maoy, bugnaw, gamay, tiil, iring and lami.

This all sound so cliche, but what do you expect from me? Im not special or interesting. I dont really know as well why Im writing this post but Im still gonna do it.

So to make the story short or the post rather,

Yes im currently residing here in Cebu and NO – I do not own the cafe. Im a part time barista and even I cant call myself a barista because all I know is Im working in that cafe because Im enjoying it. Im the Tagalog barista at the cafe who makes “no-latte-art” cappuccinos and the best toasties (as per myself) who requires the local customers to talk to me in Tagalog. If I can only trade my full time job for it, I will in a heartbeat. Pero we have bills to pay ika nga.

I do not have the 9-5 office work but I have the 9pm to 7am home-based work which I can do anywhere. So technically its not home-based hahaha

I only have 5 hours of sleep most days, not that Im complaining but Im tired. There are days where I wish I can only sleep and shut everything down. I have days where I dont even have the energy to leave my bed but most of the time I push myself to go out for the sake of being normal.

I haven’t look myself in the mirror for a long time, by look I mean stare. Stare until make myself cry by realizing after 28 years its still me. The boring me. Even haircuts, new clothes and that awkward smile didnt help. Nothing new.

I just want everything to be on paused right now. Its gonna be 2020 soon, the holidays are here and I think its my first time to spend Christmas and New Year away from home. But if anyone is willing to sponsor my tickets hahaha. I still dont know if I want to go home. Where is home tho? Haha

So yeah, thats my life update. Thank you if you are still reading up to this part. And yes im not ok but i will be. Hopefully.